


Life Isn't Meant to Be This Miserable

by SkyWasMadeofAmethyst



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 06:13:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst/pseuds/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst
Summary: You find yourself sunk into the depths of a depression locking everyone out, everyone but Danny. Dan refuses to let you shut him out even when you're too afraid to live.





	Life Isn't Meant to Be This Miserable

**Author's Note:**

> Just a request I received. I don't know if it's my best. I've had writers block and have been struggling to break it. Don't know if the writers block is dead yet, but I tried.

The dark cloud had always been there, hanging in the back of your mind. At times it was more prominent than others, but it seemed as though it never really went away, not completely. It was as though the dark cloud was always waiting to take over, to ruin everything you loved including yourself.

It had taken over again, swallowing you whole. It had left you a mess hiding from life underneath a comforter on your sofa. You didn’t understand why the depression was here once again. For once it had seemed that everything in your life was actually working out.

You had found a way to share your love and passion for cosplay and video games via YouTube. You’d managed to become sponsored giving you the ability to dedicate all of your time to your channel and actually survive financially. The days spent slaving away at a crappy minimum wage job at a doughnut shop were a thing of the past. Your channel wasn't massive but you had pulled in enough of an audience to attract the attention of a sponsor. You were pulling in enough cash to live modestly. At the end of the day you were at least doing something you loved.

You had found a group of friends who shared your nerdier interests. Holly and you had easily connected over a love of cosplay. You had never really had friends who were into the same kind of things as you. To be honest most of your life you’d been a bit of a loner. For the first time in a long time it felt as though you had perhaps found a place in the world.

Strangely enough you had found love. It had come at you out of nowhere, but then again you guessed that was probably the way love usually happened.

Leigh Daniel Avidan, or really Dan or Danny as he preferred to be called, had come into your life when you were least expecting it.

When Holly had invited to you to the costume party, she and her husband Ross were throwing, you had been a bit hesitant. After all you had never done well at parties, but Holly had begged you to come.

You’d spent the first portion of the party being a bit of a wallflower to tell the truth. You had tucked yourself against the wall your iphone open to Reddit while you tried to survive the party.

Dan had been the one who approached you. He’d complimented your mermaid costume and talked to you as though you were his oldest friend. You had been amazed at how easily the conversation with Dan had come.

You had spent the party glued to one another’s sides talking and joking. By the night’s end he’d requested your number and a few days later he had asked you out on a date.

That had been that really. It had been easy for you to fall for him. How could it not be easy? He was a great catch, though you hated that saying. He was a human being not a fish. Danny was a great guy though; sweet, funny, cute, charming, and talented. He had easily earned your adoration and you were still stunned to find that you had somehow earned his adoration as well.

For the first time in such a long time your life had felt complete. So of course, a depressive episode had decided to rear its ugly head in and ruin everything for you.

You would say that it had come out of nowhere, but maybe that wasn’t true. In reality the depression had come gradually then suddenly. You had felt it creeping up on you unable to do a thing until one morning you’d woken up terrified to live.

You were running behind on your recording schedule. You knew that. You just couldn’t make yourself get up and do it. It had never been so hard to be creative before. It was as though your mind was too clogged up to create a thing.

You could barely get out of bed in the mornings. You just felt so exhausted. You had shut yourself up in your apartment hiding underneath a blanket too afraid to pull yourself out of the hole you’d fallen into.

Dan kept calling you, while some of your friends had given up on pulling you out of your funk, Dan wouldn’t let you shut him out. Your boyfriend was far too stubborn to let you push him away.

So, it wasn’t a surprise when the text arrived in your cell: “I’m Bringing Dinner.”

You knew you should get up. You should hop in the shower and slap on some makeup. You should do something with your hair. You should wear something other than yoga pants and the t shirt you’d been living in for days now.

You couldn’t force yourself to move from the same position, you’d been locked in for days now, though. As hard as you tried you couldn’t force yourself to get up and do a thing.

Dan didn’t bother to knock choosing instead to use the spare apartment key, you’d given him months ago, to enter your small apartment.

You expected him to scowl upon spotting you and what a mess you were. You had expected a look of pity or maybe annoyance.

You had gotten none of those responses though, Dan did his best to shoot you a small smile as he held up a plastic take out bag. “I stopped at that little Indian place you like. I got your favorite, Chicken Tikka Masala extra hot on the curry. I got you those samosas you love too…I think I may have even managed to find myself something that won’t totally ruin my stomach.”

You sat up not even having it in you to cringe over how bad you probably looked. “I’m not sure that I’m all that hungry.”

“Just eat a little then. You need to eat.” Dan replied refusing to allow you to go without.

He tried not to cringe at the state of your apartment. You had never been the best housekeeper, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the place in such a state before.

Your laundry basket was beside the washer overflowing. The garbage was overflowing as well its contents showing that you’d been surviving on junk food.

You pulled your knees up to your chest as he sat down on the sofa beside you placing the takeout bag on the coffee table in front of you.

You watched him pull Styrofoam containers from the bag unable to work a word from your lips.

Your mind was filled to the brim with nasty little voices; You were so weak. You were a gross disgusting mess. You were so lazy. You lived in filth like a pig. You probably smelled like a pig. You were a gross greasy disgusting mess. You were so useless. Dan should just dump you. Dan should dump you if he knew what was best for him. He should drop you and find someone good enough for him.

You weren’t sure where the tears came from, but once you started crying you couldn’t stop. It was as though a dam had broken inside of you and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

You were stunned as Dan took you in his arms yanking you tight against him. He rocked you against him smoothing back your hair not caring that it was a frizzy unwashed mess.

He hushed you as he rocked you almost as though you were a fussy young child instead of a grown woman. “It’s okay baby. Oh [Y/N] it’s okay. I know, it’s all okay. Just let it out. Let it all out.”

It took a moment for you to realize that the loud sobs and hiccups you could hear were actually coming from you. You almost didn’t recognize your own voice; you sounded so raw, so pained.

The words that left your lips didn’t sound as though they belonged to you, your voice ragged. “I…Everything is so wrong…Everything feels so wrong and I don’t know why. I-I don’t understand.”

Dan’s voice kept that soothing gentle tone as he continued to rock you. “I know baby, I know. It’s okay not to understand. You don’t have to understand it.”

He continued to rock you even as your cries grew quieter and quieter. He spoke gently almost hesitantly. “Maybe it’s time to talk to someone baby….someone who can help.”

“I’m not crazy. They’ll just shove me on meds again. It’ll make me feel like a zombie. I can’t go through that again.” You snapped attempting to yank away from him for a brief moment, but Dan refused not allowing you to push him out.

“I know, You aren’t. You have to know that this isn’t normal though baby. You don’t have to take anything you don’t want to. There’s plenty of different types of meds out there…You can try to work something out with your doctor…maybe play around with the dose…If you felt like a zombie, then the dose you were taking was probably just too much. The meds aren’t supposed to make you feel that way.” Dan pointed out keeping his grip tight on you refusing to allow you to pull away from him and shut him out the same way you’d shut everyone else out.

You were both silent for a long moment before Dan finally spoke again. “I was on Prozac for a while…right after I went away for college…I had bad mono my senior year of high school…like super super crazy bad mono. I was quarantined up in my bedroom unable to go to school or even leave the house. I missed so much school that year…barely graduated. It was a miracle I even got into a decent university. Even after I got better though I still felt bad…I mean I’ve told you all the OCD stories…how it got so bad that I almost failed out of college….I never mentioned the Prozac thing though I guess.”

He let out a small sigh before speaking again. “I guess the point I’m trying to get across though is that the medication thing…It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing. It wasn’t for me…it can just be something to help you get through this….and even if it does become a permanent thing, then that’s nothing to be ashamed of….I mean, if you feel like you can function isn’t that a good thing? Even if you have to take medication to help you function. I just want you to feel okay. I love you and I want you to be okay. Life isn’t meant to be miserable baby.”

You frowned hating to admit that he was right. You could admit your past experiences with anti-depressants hadn’t been pleasant. They’d left you feeling drugged up and sluggish. Maybe Dan was right though, maybe it had just been the dose.

Maybe Dan was right about everything?

 

You spoke your voice soft any desire to fight this slipping away. You were just so tired. You were sick of being so exhausted. “Okay…you’re right…You’re right, it’s time to do something about this.”

 

Dan pressed a kiss to the top of your head his voice keeping that the gentle lilt. His gentleness was one of the many things that had made you fall for him in the first place. “It’s going to get better [Y/N] It’s not always going to feel like this. I promise, life isn’t supposed to make you miserable.”

You let out a small laugh though it came out so weak, you were determined to be more like the girl he’d fallen in love with in the first place. “How can you kiss my head? I stink.”

Dan let out a small chuckle unable to stop himself. “Eh, Arin smells worse and I still kiss his head all the time.”

“So Polygrumps is real? I’m telling the internet.” You remarked working a laugh from Dan as he pressed another kiss to the top of your head.

He pressed his lips to yours as you began to pull away, his grip not loosening on you. “I love you even if you are going to expose all my secrets to the world wide web.”

“I love you too Danny, but no one calls it the world wide web anymore, You old man.” You remarked as he pulled his lips from yours.

Your comment earned you a quick tickle to the ribs Dan having already learned your sensitive spots a long time ago.

You struggled against him Dan not lightening up on the tickles even as you squirmed and begged. “Stop, Dan, Please, Stop.”

“Not until you take back the old man comment.” Dan remarked refusing to lighten up on his attack on your sensitive sides.

You continued to struggle against him unable to stop yourself from between you your nails tracing his stomach hitting his own ticklish spot.

Dan yanked back from you a huff leaving his lips. “Hey no fair, stop that.”

“You first.” You remarked causing him to finally yank his hands back holding them up to his sides.

You followed in suit holding a hand out to shake. “Truce?”

 

Dan answered with a deep kiss to your lips taking your breath away the same way he always managed to do anytime his lips met yours.

He pulled back leaving you a bit stunned as he handed you a Styrofoam container. “Eat.”

You did as he said having the distinct feeling that you weren’t getting out of eating not matter how off your appetite had been lately.

You managed to smile as Dan spoke up a grimace crossing his features. “Okay…maybe I didn’t get something that my sensitive stomach can take.”

You held out your food a small sigh slipping from your lips. “We’ll share….if you can take the heat.”

You watched as Dan eagerly dug into your food. The grimace returned to his features as he spoke. “I may not be able to take the heat.”

You felt a small laugh escape your throat as you watched him reach into the take out bag pulling out a box of chips ahoy he’d apparently thought to buy as well. You should have known he’d think ahead enough to buy junk food as well. “Guess I’m eating cookies for dinner.”

You chuckled as you watched him bite into a cookie a look of bliss crossing his face. He spoke his mouth slightly full of cookie. “Much better.”

You shook your head turning back to your own food.

Things might be hard right now, but it would get better. Life wasn’t meant to be miserable.


End file.
